My Teachers K-8

K-Mrs. Williams wears heavy makeup and is clownish. In addition to that she loves clowns and is mean to me. Disturbing.

1st-Mrs. Buch is short and froglike. We have a guinea pig in class which we take turns bringing home and caring for. She could have been a guinea pig.

2nd-Mrs. Casselberry is kind and patient. She has lovely silver hair. It is a bouffant. She reads the BFG to us. I have red Converse All-Stars and people make fun of me because of them. I am ahead of my time.

3rd-Mrs. Adams is very subtle. She may have a quiet rage problem. Her classroom is near the entrance/exit of the school. Very convenient.

4th-Mrs. Martin is my favorite teacher. She is stern but kind, and seems to see potential in me. We have a wonderful relationship. I enjoy going to school now.

5th-Mr. Schoenfelder has the nickname Mr. Show-and-felt-her. He is a fairly young man. He doesn’t believe in Halloween and refuses to walk with us in the Halloween parade. I act out in his class. He forcefully dragged me down the hall by my arm. It hurt. I don’t like him. He will die at some point.

6th-Mrs. Weist is an old white woman who smokes like a chimney. She is always stepping outside when she can, and leaves us alone. Her classroom feels small and claustrophobic. I feel molested by her bad breath. I realize I hate math and want to be a filmmaker. My heart is broken by a girl for the first time. Michael Jackson’s “You Are Not Alone” is the slow jam at the fall dance. Bummer.

7th-Mr. Burgess is a kind and lanky man. He makes science fun. If you were to combine Bill Nye the Science Guy with my dad and subtract alcoholism you would have Mr. Burgess. He has large posters of cityscapes on his wall given to him by an old student who became a professional photographer. I ask him why he doesn’t have one of New York. He doesn’t have a good answer but tells me that as soon as he gets one he will give it to me. Several years from now, around christmas, I will be helping my mother decorate the house at night when we will hear a random knock on the door. It will be Mr. Burgess and he will have a New York poster for me. It will be one of the most incredible things that ever happens in my life.

8th-Mr. Getz is an old man with glasses and an egghead. He is like the bitter, grumpy element on the periodic table, but with an egghead and near retirement. I show up late to class and clown around to which he reacts by stating firmly, “That’s an infraction!” I smoke pot now. Occasionally he cracks a small smile and I can see a sparkle in his eyes. His idea of a science experiment is lighting a balloon of pure hydrogen on fire. Rad.

Michael Buckius is a writer and filmmaker from Lancaster, PA. He earned his undergraduate degree in Film and Media Arts from Temple University and is currently an MFA Creative Writing candidate at Northern Arizona University. He has recently been featured in Shrew and Ghost City Review. His first chapbook, Future Sarcasm, is forthcoming from Tolsun Books in the Fall of 2020.